if not, out 'ya go...
We tend to be pretty aquarian around here,
Top 10 reasons E-mail is like a penis:
9. Those who have it think that 8. Those who don't have it may agree that 7. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it, 6. It's more fun when it's up, but 5. In the distant past, its only purpose was 4. If you don't take proper precautions, 3. We attach an importance to it that is far 2. If you're not careful what you do with it, And the number one reason Why E-mail is Like a Penis..... 1. If you play with it too much, you'll go blind. Those of you who do not agree with this Need your eyes tested?
The old man just stared at him. The old man answered, "Well yes, actually, I have.
A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day,
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally The president was of course curious as to how she came by all The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are
That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and The next morning, at precisely 10:00 a.m., the little old lady The president complied. The little old lady peered closely She replied, "Oh, nothing, except that I bet him
A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, "What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say, "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed,
My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying "Thank you!" the woman responded.
The next day the woman brings her female parrots The lady puts her two
female parrots in with One male parrot looks over at the other male The girl from the South, being friendly and all, The Northern girl said, "From a place where
The girl from the South sat quietly
Did you hear the one about:
"Yes?," she inquires with a knowing smile,
"I was wondering," whispers the man,
"Yes," she purrs, "indeed I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your f***ing hands,
right here
i.e. "non-sexist"
... b-u-t ... we couldn't help ourselves:
The National Science Foundation announced
the following study results on corporate
America's recreational preferences:
The Sport of Choice for:
1. maintenance level employees: BOWLING
2. front line workers: FOOTBALL
3. supervisors: BASEBALL
4. middle management: TENNIS
5. corporate officers: GOLF CONCLUSION:
The higher one is in the corporate structure,
the smaller one's balls.
10. Those who have it would be devastated
if it was ever cut off.
those who don't are somehow inferior.
it's neat, but think it's not worth the fuss that
those who have it make about it.
a phenomenon
psychologists call "E-mail Envy."
this makes it hard to get any real work done.
to transmit information
vital to the survival of the species.
Some people still think that's
the only thing it should be used for,
but most folks today use it mostly for fun.
it can spread viruses.
greater than its actual size and influence warrant.
it can get you into a lot of trouble.
are not fully maximizing all the available
features of your E-mail system!
An old man was sitting on a bench in the park
when a young man with spiked hair
came over and sat down beside him.
The boy's hair was yellow, green, orange and purple.
He had black makeup around his eyes.
The boy said, "What's the matter, old man,
haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?"
I once got drunk and f***ed a chicken.
I was just wondering if you were my son."
carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak
with the president of the bank to open a savings account,
"because, it's a lot of money!"
ushered
her into the president's office (the customer is always
right!). The bank president then asked her how much she
would like to
deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and
dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.
this
cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're
carrying
so much cash around. Where did you get this
money?" The old lady
replied, "I make bets."
The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you
$25,000 that your balls are square."
never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged,
"So, would you like to take my bet?"
not square!" The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since
there is a lot
of money involved, may I bring my lawyer
with me tomorrow at 10:00 a.m.
as a witness?"
"Sure!" replied the confident president.
spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning
from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked
them out
until he was sure that there was absolutely no way
his balls were square and that he would win the bet.
appeared with her lawyer at the president's office.
She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated
the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!"
The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady
asked him to drop his pants so they could all see.
at his
balls and then asked if she could feel them.
"Well, Okay," said
the president, "$25,000 is a lot of
money, so I guess you should be
absolutely sure."
Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was
quietly
banging his head against the wall.
The president asked the old lady,
"What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?"
$100,000 that at 10:00 a.m. today, I would have
The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."
I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots,
but they only know how to say one thing."
'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want
to have some fun?'"
"but I have a
solution to your problem.
Bring your two female parrots
over to my house,
and I will put them with my two male
talking parrots
whom I taught to pray and read the Bible.
that
terrible phrase, and your female parrots
will learn to praise
and worship."
to the
priest's house. His two male parrots are
holding rosary
beads and praying in their cage.
the male parrots, and the female
parrots say,
"Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"
parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away.
Our prayers have been answered!"
A girl from the South and a girl from the North
were seated side by side on a plane.
said, "So, where ya'll from?"
they know better than to use a
preposition at the end of a sentence."
for a few moments and then replied,
"So, where ya'll from, bitch?"
the guy who walks into a pub and sees a sign
hanging over the bar which reads:Cheese Sandwich: $ 1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $ 2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar
and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving
drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
"May I help you?"
"are you the one who gives the
hand-jobs?"
I want a cheese sandwich!"
