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1999
is a year when many folks are feeling "old"
just like the millennium

There are three signs of old age.
The first is one is loss of memory, the other two I forget.

You know you are into middle age when you realize
that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.
But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out...

You are getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes,
just as long as you don't have to go along.

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun
- and fun a lot more work.

Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women
to every man. Isn't that the darndest time for a guy to get those odds?

You know you're getting on in years when
the girls at the office start confiding in you.

Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,
he's too old to go anywhere.

Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends,
and have begun to grow in the middle.

Of course I'm against sin;
I'm against anything that I'm too old to enjoy.

Billy Graham has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends.
What could hell possibly be like?
Home videos of the same reunion?

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down
by his doctor instead of by the police.

Middle age is having a choice of two temptations
and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

At your age, "getting a little action" means
you don't need to take a laxative.

Don't worry about avoiding temptation.
As you grow older, it will avoid you.

The aging process could be slowed down
if it had to work its way through Congress.

You're getting old when "getting lucky" means
you find your car in the parking lot.

You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker,
and you can't get it started.

You're getting old when your wife gives up sex for Lent,
and you don't know till the 4th of July.

You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling,
and you didn't do anything the night before.

The cardiologist's diet:
if it tastes good, spit it out.

Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news -
the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

It's hard to be nostalgic
when you can't remember anything.

You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas
because it's too risky of an investment.

Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind,
I spent all my money.

Don't Believe It!   Dance to Back Alley!
Back Alley