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  H E L P !!!

More Help Desk

This is a "true story" from the Word Perfect helpline
which was transcribed from a recording, monitoring the
customer care department. Needless to say,
the helpdesk employee was fired; however,
s/he is currently suing Word Perfect for
"Termination without Cause."

Actual dialogue of a former Wordperfect Customer Support employee:

"Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
  Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.

"What sort of trouble?"
  Well, I was just typing along,
      and all of a sudden the words went away.

"Went away?"
  They disappeared.

"Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
  Nothing.

"Nothing?"
  It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
  How do I tell?

"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
  What's a sea-prompt?

"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
  There isn't any cursor:
      I told you, it won't accept anything I type.

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
  What's a monitor?

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
      Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
  I don't know.

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where
      the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
  Yes, I think so.

"Great. Follow the cord to the plug,
      and tell me if itís plugged into the wall."
  .......Yes, it is.

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice two
    cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
  No.

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there
      again and find the other cable."
  ....... Okay, here it is.

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged
      securely into the back of your computer."
  I can't reach.

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
  No.

"Even if you maybe put your knee
      on something and lean way over?"
  Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle
      - itsí because it's dark.

"Dark?"
  Yes The office light is off, and
      the only light I have is coming in from the window.

"Well, turn on the office light then."
  I can't.

"No? Why not?"
  Because there's a power failure.

"A power... A power failure? - Aha - okay,
    we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes
      and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
  Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.

"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system
    and pack it up just like it was when you got it.
      Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
  Really? Is it that bad?

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
  Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?

"Tell them you're too f***ing stupid to own a computer."


More Help Desk

Help!     Help! - Back to Top     Help!

Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side
of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"

    Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

Help! - Back to Top

One woman called Dell's toll-free line
to ask how to install the batteries in her laptop.
When told that the directions were on the first page
of the manual the woman replied angrily

"I just paid $2,000 for this damn thing;
I'm not going to read the book!"

Help! - Back to Top

Customer: "I'm having a problem installing your software.
    I've got a fairly old computer, and when I type
        'INSTALL', all it says is 'Bad command or file name'."

  Tech Support: "Ok, check the directory of the A: drive.
    Go to A:\ and type 'dir'."

Customer reads off a list of file names, including
    'INSTALL.EXE'

  Tech Support: "All right, the correct file is there.
    Type 'INSTALL' again."

Customer: "Ok." (pause)
    "Still says 'Bad command or file name'."

  Tech Support: "Hmmm. The file is there in the correct place; it can't help but do something. Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the Enter key?"

Customer: "Yes, let me try it again." (pause)
    "Nope, still 'Bad command or file name'."

  Tech Support: (now really confused)
    "Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L
        and hitting the key that says 'Enter'?"

Customer: "Well, yeah. Although my 'N' key is stuck,
    so I'm using the 'M' key...does that matter?

Help! - Back to Top

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the
    Open Desktop."
  Customer:  "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
  Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a
    pop-up menu?"
  Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you
    have done up until this point?"
  Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click'
    and I wrote 'click'."
(At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.)
Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click'
    with the keyboard?"
  Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"

Help! - Back to Top

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